girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
