someone threw a dead crab at me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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