but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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