I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
