You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
