i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Someone came in the potted fern
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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