Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
