but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
whose ass print is on the piano?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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