just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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