He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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