I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
