Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
