I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
