apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
