What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In America we eat man semen.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
