Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
