You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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