is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
