Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
