dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
