You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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