Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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