Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
