If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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