I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
