Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
