I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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