I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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