..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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