totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
