Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize