ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
