i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize