omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
