I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
