Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
