Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
