did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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