I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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