I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
