I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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