just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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