dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fuck appropriateness.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
