If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
