She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
