I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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