hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize