Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
