when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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