I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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