obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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