the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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