i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And then he peed in my hair
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