Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
