Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
