i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you will always have a special place in my vag
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
