i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
