Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
