it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
