Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
