Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
