How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
