I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
