Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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