in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
