I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
