We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
