So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
