Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
