We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
