They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize