I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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