Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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