i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
