the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
