Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
