at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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