You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
time to smoke my breakfast
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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