WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
