She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
