Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
