wrigley field is MILF paradise
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
