i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize