I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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