New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
