Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
