Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
