That's intense
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This toilet bowl is my home.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
