I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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