Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
