Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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