Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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