What a fucking waste of an outfit
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
