Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize