I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
