I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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