So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
