Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
