If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
