69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
