I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
