i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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