Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
