I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
