Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
