I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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