why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
