my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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