Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
