Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
