3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
