I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
