This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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